omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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