my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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