his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
