As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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