I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
