If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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