matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
