this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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