You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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