Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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