Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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