I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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