The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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