And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
