My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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