oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
