i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
