I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
