I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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