she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
