the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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