Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The Olympian is in my bed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
