i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
