He asked me if I "almost moaned"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
