We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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