Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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