he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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