i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
