if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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