I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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