Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
