my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
