fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
