To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
