I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
