they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
