i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
