i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
