you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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