She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
