If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
