I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
