I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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