waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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