I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
