I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
