I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
