Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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