Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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