i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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